TiMER

I have come to the conclusion that it is definitely in my nature to kill myself. I harm myself in all ways possible - physically, mentally, and emotionally.

 I thought of all the good relationships I had and thought of how I ended them, then I thought of the ones that were one-sided and how I held onto them with all I had no matter how much it hurt. I thought of the way it felt to smoke, and how it poisons your body, and I thought of how I had asthma, yet did it anyway. I thought of all the times I expected something I knew wasn't going to happen, and was still disappointed.

I think of what people will say about me when I do it, and who would care. I feel like people closest to me would have expected it, and be mad. They would say I'm selfish and took the easy way out, but they are selfish for trying to keep me in a world I am not fit to live.

I know for certain that one day I will have had my fill, and end it. I'm emotionally weak, and although I try to be strong, the right person always seems to find the weak spot. I don't know when, but I know I am going to commit; it's all just a matter of timing.

There's a boy whom I love with all of my being - heart, mind, body, and soul. He will probably be happiest when I'm gone.